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The disciples have been with Christ for quite some time, they have eaten together and they have traveled extensively.  They have watched His popularity grow and the crowds gather around Him.  However as close as they were they could not comprehend the depth of commitment and character that came from Him.  They could not understand how Jesus could leave a large gathering of followers and get into a boat to sail across the sea of galilee to visit one demon possessed man.  Why would you leave the crowds and minister to one. Jesus however realized the value of one soul.  The cry of a desperate heart moves God to a place of action.  The scripture mentions that in the day when you seek him with all of your heart you will find Him.  That’s right, the scripture says He is nigh unto all those who call upon Him.  This man in Gadara the Bible says cried amongst the tombs he lived in, he cried out for help that no man could provide.  He was desperate for a miracle.  Life was a nightmare lived everyday.  The Bible does not say how he ended up in this condition only that he was desperate for deliverance.  

Mark 5 New King James Version

5 Then they came to the other side of the sea, to the country of the [a]Gadarenes. 2 And when He had come out of the boat, immediately there met Him out of the tombs a man with an unclean spirit, 3 who had his dwelling among the tombs; and no one could bind [b]him, not even with chains, 4 because he had often been bound with shackles and chains. And the chains had been pulled apart by him, and the shackles broken in pieces; neither could anyone tame him. 5 And always, night and day, he was in the mountains and in the tombs, crying out and cutting himself with stones.

6 When he saw Jesus from afar, he ran and worshiped Him. 7 And he cried out with a loud voice and said, “What have I to do with You, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? I implore[c] You by God that You do not torment me.”

8 For He said to him, “Come out of the man, unclean spirit!” 9 Then He asked him, “What is your name?”

And he answered, saying, “My name is Legion; for we are many.” 10 Also he begged Him earnestly that He would not send them out of the country.

11 Now a large herd of swine was feeding there near the mountains. 12 So all the demons begged Him, saying, “Send us to the swine, that we may enter them.” 13 And [d]at once Jesus gave them permission. Then the unclean spirits went out and entered the swine (there were about two thousand); and the herd ran violently down the steep place into the sea, and drowned in the sea.

14 So those who fed the swine fled, and they told it in the city and in the country. And they went out to see what it was that had happened. 15 Then they came to Jesus, and saw the one who had been demon-possessed and had the legion, sitting and clothed and in his right mind. 

To understand the depth of torment we must understand the amount of evil dwelling within him.  The scripture mentioned that when Jesus asked the name of the spirit they answered that they were legion for they were many.  Now when we look at the size of what a legion is normally we find that a legion could contain between 4,000 to 6,000 individuals.  It is hard to fathom the extent of the bubbling turmoil in this man’s life. He has been separated from the life he once knew, he was separated from his family but most of all he was separated from God.  The world had tried to deliver him from his dilemma but found that they could not.  Sometimes you just need a miracle.  You need a visitation from the Almighty.  Sometimes you are so desperate that a legion of angry demons cannot restrain you from running and falling down at the Savior’s feet.  The compassion of God brought Christ from across a sea and unto the shore of a heathen land to deliver one hungry soul who was desperate for help.  Can you envision this crazed man running through the tombs towards Christ with his hands outstretched reaching out to grasp the sliver of hope that was now within his grasp.   He had never met Jesus before.  It’s possible he had never even heard His name.  But something in his heart drew him to Christ. There was a seed of faith fueled by desperation that broke the chains of resistance that would have liked to have held him in the graveyard of broken dreams he had so long dwelt in. down and separated him from Christ.  My friend nothing can hold you back from reaching Christ, hells walls our not tall enough, its chains our not strong enough and the darkness is not so deep that the light cannot pierce it. Nothing can restrain you when you’re desperate to reach Him.  Jesus had traveled the distance, but yet this man himself had to make the effort to come the rest of the way. 

I was nineteen years old when I experienced a little bit of what this man must have felt.  I had fallen into a pit that I could not climb out of by myself.  I was desperate and felt that I had little left to hold on to.  It was one dark day that I had decided to end my life.  I was surrendering to my situation.  However at the last minute a light pierced that foreboding darkness that engulfed me and a seed sprouted in my heart. I asked myself, ” is there a God, and if their is does He care about me. It was if a voice beckoned to me and asked me to come and see for myself.  I remember turning my car around and stopping at a little church near where I was.  It was already late on a Friday evening, I am sure the doors would be closed I thought.  I was desperate to find a reason to live, Just a sliver of hope and I did not care who I had to see or inconvenience to get to the spot where Jesus was waiting.  I felt he was waiting for me inside that building, waiting at the altar.  The door to the church that night was open and I virtually ran to the front of the sanctuary and fell upon the altar. It was as I knelt there that I was encompassed by a cloud of compassion and love.  It is hard to describe the scene accurately as I sobbed uncontrollably, my heart expressing the depths of its despair. The Lord opened up my heart and allowed the raging torment of fear and anger and frustration to flow away. In its place peace and love and hope surged in. Then in that darkened sanctuary I felt an arm come around my shoulders.  Here a man I didn’t even really know held me and wept with me and shared my struggle.  I did not see Jesus in a way that the man of Gadara did, however I saw Jesus through this man.  I felt Christ’s power and deliverance.  My life was never the same after that night.  With nearly 6 billion people in the world Christ saw one young man in Oak Creek Wisconsin who was living amidst the tombs of despair void of hope and desperate for help.  That night the chains fell off and the depression fled away.  My life was not perfect by a long shot but that night God gave me a vision of who He was and what I could become if I would walk with Him and leave the tombs of selfishness and pride. 

I have never forgotten this man who prayed with me.  He eventually became my pastor and friend.  I determined from early on that I wanted to be used as a vessel of hope and faith as he had been used that night to me. 

At this point in your life you may feel like the man of Gadara, but rest assured when you’re desperate for a miracle you will see that light from a distance heading in your direction.  For Christ is drawn to the desperate and His love will overtake you as you run to kneel at His feet.  You must never forget the value of one soul.  You must never forget how much He truly loves you even when you have completely messed up. The amazing thing is how excited all heaven becomes when you gain your spiritual freedom and take your place in a heavenly kingdom.

Luke 15:7 New International Version

I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

The sun was peeking its head just above the horizon as if to silently introduce another day. The wind stirred as if to respond from its quiet rest and answered.   The dawn pushed the night away and lifted like a heavy quilt.  Hope is born in the morning and is carried on the wings of one’s imagination of what might lie ahead in the gift of another day.  

Little did the unsuspecting world realize that this day would be the mother of all days.  For this day was the hub of destiny for all mankind.  It was the day that light would meet the darkness of evil on a hill outside of Jerusalem called Golgotha.    Hope had been born in a manger and love was shown in the face of a savior who had come to tear down the prison walls that had encapsulated man’s eternal destiny. Darkness fled at the light and the presence of divinity in a human body. For thousands of years the darkness of evil had oppressed the sons and daughters of God with its lust and fleshly deprivation.  Enticing them to eat of things forbidden and to turn from the extended hands of their creator.  The time had come and Captain of the Lord’s host stood ready to fill the gap and pay the price of freedom. Though He had created all things he now allowed himself to be subject to His own creation.  Robed in flesh and made lower than the angels, he became the incarnation of God’s love in a human body.  Though humanity had sought a God of vengeance, the law dictated a perfect lamb of sacrifice. Though he held in His hand all power and authority He allowed Himself to be taken as a lamb for the slaughter on this day the mother of all days.   Not for an act of indiscretion or for any sin of any sort.  He stood in my place, He stood in your place to take the punishment for our transgressions.  The wages of our sin and rebellion  were placed upon Him who had no sin.  God’s love is shown as bright as a supernova on this  very day as He willfully bore the stripes upon His back and the nails in His hands.  

The enemy of man’s soul directed the ignorant and darkened minds of those that followed him  to carry out his tasks. For though very few recognized this man satan knew him well.  From the moment of His birth to this very moment he had not stopped in his attempts to destroy his character and spread contemptuous lies about his motives. How he had longed to crush Him and thrust Him from the world God Himself had created. Now as Christ hangs from a wooden cross between heaven and earth he swells in pride that he has won the final event.  

It seems all of God’s creation clearly sees what is being played out in this drama on this the day of deliverance.  The sun’s light turns away from this scene and the earthquakes in revulsion.  For it is beyond comprehension to think that the creator of all  would allow its own creation to destroy its own physical essence.  

Little did the destroyer realize that it was not the nails of the cross, or the soldiers that had bound him to this wooden stake.  For the power of an omniscient and omnipotent God cannot be restrained by the finite tools of a corruptible creation.  No my friend, it was you and I that held Him to the cross.  For love would not turn aside from the mission it had come to perform.  God’s love for you would not settle for just a short visitation He had come to restore eternal life to those He loved.  God saw your tears before you ever existed. He shared your pain before you ever experienced it.  He was willing to take upon Himself the price for your sin before you ever committed it. Even though He took the chance that you would even respond to His love, He still paid the price to make redemption available to you if you should desire it. There is my friend a voice calling out your name, asking for your attention longing for your response.  God’s love for you is so great that He came unto this world just for you and I. 

Little did satan realize that day that the death of Christ was not a victory at all for his cause.  The cross was the crowning victory for the children of God, for hell lost its hold on all mankind and the grave lost its sting.  Oh the battle will continue till that final day of His triumphant return.   However the victory was established on an ordinary day several thousand years ago.  A day just like today became a day of deliverance for those willing to share it. 

Acts 2 King James Version

36 Therefore let all the house of Israel know assuredly, that God hath made the same Jesus, whom ye have crucified, both Lord and Christ.

37 Now when they heard this, they were pricked in their heart, and said unto Peter and to the rest of the apostles, Men and brethren, what shall we do?

38 Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.

39 For the promise is unto you, and to your children, and to all that are afar off, even as many as the Lord our God shall call.

Back in 1951 there was a movie produced that was very popular.  It was called “The Day The Earth Stood Still”. It’s the story of a UFO which lands in Washington D.C.  bearing a message for Earth’s leaders and all humanity stands silent as earth is warned of impending disaster.  It is a warnig from outer space of a global holocaust as nuclear proliferation increases.  

I remember as a small child watching that show several times.  Of course I was not able to watch it when it first came out because I had not yet made my arrival on this planet myself. I as a small boy sat spellbound as this robot confronted man’s weapons and defenses.  Of course the robot was more powerful than anything that man had to use against it. 

Have you ever had a moment in your life where you can actually say your world came to a halt.  A moment where you were confronted by an alternate  reality that you had never experienced previously.  There were no SOPS, (Standard Operating Procedures) that you could refer to for guidance.  If not hold on for you will have challenges yet to face that you could possibly not even have imagined previously.

As a young man I had my first epiphany of this sort when I was about 20 years old.   Like most I felt that I had a strong handle on my destiny and was basically in control of the life I was living.  I soon found out that the only thing normal about life is that it is not predictable.  In a moment of time I realized that I was not as in control as I thought.  The earth stood still and I looked around at that point in my life wondering how I had made it to this spot.  Where would I turn next for help, who could possibly pull me from this place of despair and overwhelming anxiety and pressure. 

Whether it’s a health issue or a family loss, or the loss of a job, things happen and we need to find that place that we can stand on that cannot be shaken and crumble apart. 

At that point in my life I soon realized that I was not as strong as I had previously assessed myself to be.  I needed an advocate that could guide me through this maze of situations that accosted me like a January snow storm. It was then I met Him, the one who had been near me all the time seeking to get my attention.  Trying to warn me of impending repercussions for my selfish actions. He was from outside the realm of reality that I had been used to.  His kingdom was not of this earth.  He had come to guide me away from the chasm of disaster that I stood on the verge of falling into. He reached His hand out to mine and when I grasped it I felt insight and revelation of not only who I truly was but of whom He was.  Sometimes the earth has to stand still so that we can reevaluate who we are and where we are going.  

It is quite possible you have experienced this for yourself or maybe you are in the midst of this life defining moment at this very instant.  I ask you to stop and look for that light which reveals the presense of the ultimate defender and advocate of humanity.  He is just a breath away from those who call for His assistance.  I pray that you find those strong arms of comfort that pick you from the pit of your suffering and disillusionment and set you on that foundation that cannot be shaken.

Several days ago I was asked a question that I was not prepared for.  My brother-in-law Chris mentioned that he had completed reading my latest book “Looking Past Suffering” and that he found it quite helpful.  However, he said,”I have to ask you a question.”  “Why did you not include your sister in the book?”

I actually stopped, and I contemplated the question.  You see my sister Linda died several years ago of what they call Erdman Chester Disease.  ECD is a rare multisystem disorder. This disease has a high mortality rate with no real standard treatment. 

After my conversation with Chris I stopped and asked that question again to myself, “Why is it that you did not focus on Linda’s decline and eventual death?”  Now I want to be an open book when it comes to this subject.  Linda and I were very close; we talked three or four times every week.  We both were strong-willed and had our differences but there was no doubt that we were connected in a very close way.  As a hospice chaplain and hospital chaplain it was not unusual for me to deal with the topic of death and the process of dying with the many patients I had contact with.  

Of the three case studies I used in “Looking Past Suffering”, each one of my participants recovered.  They had major struggles with their medical issues but in the end overcame them.  

Everybody likes a happy ending.  The villain is defeated and the hero or heroine is victorious.  It was very difficult not only for Chris to watch Linda’s decline  but for me and our entire family as well.  We prayed, we did everything humanly possible to change the outcome but in the end Linda was taken from us.  

Linda loved life, she loved her husband, loved her dog Jackie and the homestead in which she had grown up.  She loved God and our church family.  However, not every battle ends the same way but as a Christian every battle we fight, if we walk with God, ends ultimately in victory.  Death is the doorway to eternal life where there is no more pain or suffering, no more depression, no darkness, no uncertainty of the future..  Each of us at one time or another loses a part of their life when a loved one departs this mortal realm. This kind of loss leaves a void that cannot be filled with entertainment or worldly things.  Each of us learns through time to cope with that empty room and the absence of communication that provided sunlight to our dark days and lonely nights.  The heartfelt condolences of friends, even though they touch our heart, cannot lessen the feelings of loss that we are experiencing.  

How many times have I picked up the phone to call her and slowly put it down?  I truly am happy for her because I know that for her the days of struggle have come to an end.  I also realize that when she closed her eyes on this little planet called earth that she would open them in a place that goes beyond man’s limited capability to comprehend.  

Of our family of six there are now only two left, my brother and I.  I choose to focus on life and allow the memories of the past provide a level of consolation each day I live as I wait for that day of our heavenly reunion!  St. Paul seemed to sum it up so well in this scripture: 

“So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?”      (1 Corinthians 15:55 KJV)

Just remember my friend, we have not yet finished the battles of life that we face on earth, but rest assured for those who have put on Christ, the victory is just ahead.  As Paul writes in Romans 8,  he puts it this way:

“For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” (Romans 8:18 KJV)

So to answer your question, Chris … she may not have appeared in this most recent book but she certainly lives each day in my memories and in my heart.  She was a winner, a warrior, and a lover of life and even though I miss her, I remind myself that it is not “goodbye” but “I will see you later!”

The room is silent, the lights low and in the seclusion of this hospital room far away from the world that once was bright and carefree I surrender to the tsunami of sorrow that has swept over my life.  The tears fall like a summer squall, the sobs shake me like a lifeless doll.  

I am lost in a forest of grief and care not to even look for an exit.  The world has crumbled around me in such a way that I wonder if things will ever be as they once were. 

In the silence of the moment he steals into the room and stands behind me.  I can feel His presence even though he at first just silently waits for me to come back to the moment.  

On the bed beside me the lifeless form of someone so dear to me lay as if sleeping.  He has departed from the shell of a diseased body that could no longer hold his spirit. He has left me alone with the memories we built together.  The laughter shared, the loyalty expressed through years of struggle, our just a mist that seems so shadowed now that I fear that they too will disappear before my eyes and leave me in this blackhole of despair.

I feel a hand resting upon my shoulder and inside my heart a light appears like a candle in a darkened cathedral. It pushes away the blackness of the moment. Inside my mind I hear the words that come as though unspoken but yet as real as the sunrise as they caress my broken heart. “It’s going to be alright”, so simplistic yet formidable they sound as they turn my attention from the past to the present.  They carry hope for the moment and strength for tomorrow.  For their author holds the keys to death and hell and He Himself has conquered the passion of a cross. He is not intrusive nor does He try to take away the pain of loss.  However he kneels down beside me and wraps his arm around my stooping shoulders and draws me to His side.  He speaks without words and light returns to a blackened moment in time.  He has come to bare my sorrow to take upon himself my pain and to lead me through the blackness of the shadow of death.  He catches the tears that fall from my eyes and as I look up and behold His face I see the scars brought about by the afflictions He Himself has born and I find an understanding that covers my quivering spirit and warms my broken heart. 

There is hope for the hopeless and help in despair.  You may not see him at first but rest assured He stands near reaching out His hand to comfort and speak the words your heart longs to hear. 

Yesterday my wife and I had the privilege to tour Cades Cove in the Smokey Mountains of Tennessee. As we have traveled it has always intrigued me to see how relationships so quickly form in the midst of a common interest.  We had stopped to visit an historic Methodist church built by J.D. Campbell in the 1820’s.  During the civil war the church was divided just as many other churches were.  Conflict often divides relationships but unity of interest often unites. As we entered the door of this building several tourists had gathered around an old piano, actually it did not even have foot pedals and the sound was somewhat out of tune.  One of them  began to play an old hymn and immediately all those gathered in this little church began to sing.  I would estimate that there were thirty people present.  The singing was heartfelt and everyone sang from their heart. You could feel  the unity in faith that was present. It did not matter what religion you were at that moment we all were unified in worship.  Some sang harmony, some raised their hands, but everyone was involved.   The old church came alive again and for a moment if only briefly unity was once again established.

I have also found that people who have suffered a loss of health or loved one have a special comradery with those who are suffering the same.  It is like an invisible bond that draws us together.  It does not matter ethnic culture or the color of your skin, there is a unity in suffering.  I remember some time ago in a very difficult time in my life as I was in intensive care after open heart surgery. I had acquired pneumonia after surgery and had finally recovered from that when things went wrong again and I was rushed into intensive care.  I remember feeling very weak and so very depressed. I remember sitting up in my bed asking God for help and strength to make it through yet another challenge to my faith.  It was in the early hours of the day when the sky was so dark and there was no one around to distract me  from my pain that I faced another challenge to the depth of my trust in God. . It was around 2 a.m. when the door opened and a woman walked in.  She asked if she could sit next to me on the bed and when I said yes she sat down and held my hand.  I do not remember her saying anymore, she did not have to for I knew she understood where I was, physically and emotionally. She was not in a hurry and did not fidget.  I felt extreme comfort in her presence there, it  was as if she were telling me that she understood my pain and the fear that I was experiencing.  After a time she rose and left, but what she had left in the wake of her visit was a sense of unity that I was never alone. 

Many times we feel that suffering and pain bankrupt us spiritually and physically, but in reality these things only open up the door to increased relationships that run deeper than just friendship. Our hearts reach out to those who are hurting because we have hurt.  Our eyes fill with tears when others cry because we have cried.  Our hearts fill with love and empathy because others have shared their strength with us born through their own experiences. 

Just as we walked into the old Methodist church alone we did not leave alone because our hearts were united with others who loved God and shared the same purpose in His service.

“All that glitters is not gold,” how often have we heard these words quoted in regard to ones
assessment of life. Yet how true they have proven to be when we have looked back at times of struggle and uncertainty where we made a unwise decision, based on sparkling glitter and empty promises. They were clouds without water. Like a mirage in a desert always just calling out for us to follow but always just beyond our reach. I have given up looking for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Instead I have found a source of hope that never falters, a God that never changes, whose promises are true and always given with my best interest in mind. “When I was a young man”, how amazing it is to think that when we get older how the threshold for this statement changes. Young to me now is anyone under forty. But let me specify that the age in which I am referring is about 12 years old. This was a time in my life that I was dreaming about my future. Who was I, what was I, where did I want to be when I grew up as well as what did I want to do. On my list of things I wanted to be, preacher never even made it among the large list of possibilities. You must understand I am the person who invented the word introvert. I did not like people, I did not like crowds and I certainly did not want to stand before a large group of people and talk. There was certainly no glitter in a profession or a calling, as I refer to it now, that served others and was on call at a moment’s notice to respond to the needs of another. To be honest I wanted to make me happy, I wanted to be alone where I was not in a committed relationship. I am not sure what part of the family tree I fell from, but I know I must have been near the bottom when it happened. My adolescent life was mediocre, because I isolated myself. My picture of people and their nature was somewhat tainted. My dad and those around me in my family had a very good level of integrity. My dad was as honest as the day was long and would not tolerate lying or thievery. He was a man whose handshake was his word and you could run to the bank with any promise he made to you. If for instance he told us we were going to be grounded for a week for something we had done, we could rest assured there would be no leniency or early parole. No doubt this parental training greatly influenced me later in life in my view of my heavenly father. I had one younger brother who died at a very early age, Jimmy, and an older brother Rick and then the baby of the family who if anyone received special consideration from the authorities that be in our family it would be her. I am serious when I say this for she is the only person in the known world that has driven the family car through the garage, yes that’s right, in the front door and out the back wall and never received any discipline. Of course I know now having a daughter of my own how justice can we watered down between a dad and is daughter. When I was nineteen something happened to me that changed my life. I became a Christian, I mean a bonified, blood washed sanctified Holy Spirit filled child of God. This event radically changed my view of the world as I knew it. It even changed how I related to people, a card carrying unionized introvert became a people lover almost overnight. It changed the goals I had and what I wanted to do with the years I had here on earth. I traded my new career as a truck driver for a career goal in ministry. I wanted to become a minister of the Gospel. What do you know about that something that was not even up for consideration jumped onto my list and climbed to the top almost overnight. I traded the open road for a classroom and moved up to Minneapolis, St Paul to learn what I needed to know to accomplish my dreams. I have to admit the years that I spent their taught me patience and a level of endurance I had not achieved earlier. I was truly blessed to be able to pay my way through college working for a trucking company at night and attending school during the day. I would like to say it was a breeze, but honestly there were times I thought I should quit college and work with others in missions as an assistant, I was so anxious to be doing what I wanted to do. I would like to get to my point however, I married my wife the summer after I graduated and since she had one more year or college in Madison we moved there. I realized I would have had to spend more time waiting for her, but she was worth the wait, however I was growing more impatient by the day. It was the fall of 1979, Lisa and I were attending a conference in Salt Lake City, when I ran into a man from Delaware; he was overseeing several churches in his area that at present were void of pastoral leadership. He asked if I would consider looking at them. Lisa was nearing graduation and I was willing and ready to jump into any opportunity that might afford itself. So within a very short time I was on a plane flying down to Delaware. I looked at two churches which were open at that time, one in Fredericksburg Maryland and another in Hallwood Virginia. I was so excited about the Church in Hallwood it had a great school and was on the east side of Chesapeke Bay. A very beautiful area but one that was economically impoverished. This opportunity seemed to be a full of bright shiny glitter and I thought certainly this must be my golden opportunity to fulfill a dream that had I waited for all those years. So like the Clampets on the Beverly Hillbillies we loaded up the truck and we moved not to Beverly Hills but a little town called Temperanceville in the state of Virginia. I still laugh at Gods sense of humor. Come on think about it Temperance-ville, for truly God was going to teach me something about people and life that my education and experience had not yet afforded me. From the very first day, everything worked against us. We loved the people but the structure that remained in place by the overseer that had directed us there restrained us from receiving any salary. No money, no food, no rent, no joy. Nothing was as it was presented to us except the work. Our district officials would not get involved and we slowly spent the last of the money we had saved. We were living often times from the charity of those within the church. Hey God I called, this is not what I signed up for, where are you in all of this God? I called out in frustration. Can’t you see I am trying to do your work down here, how about a little help? Heaven was as quiet as the grave. The straw that broke the camel’s back came one day as I was rushing off to the church school to meet with a perspective student and parent when I in my rush backed off the gravel driveway and unto the lawn to find out the leech bed was buried there. Come on who puts a sewage drainage system right next to the driveway. I guess the owners had thought it would be more convenient. However for me it was the day the earth stood still. My rear axle on my old beat up Chevy Monte Carlo was buried in black muck that stunk worse than any pig farm I have ever smelled. Most people who know me would probably swear to the fact that I do not have a temper, and they would be partially true, my temper is like a steam locomotive, it takes a lot of steam to get it moving but once it’s there you better blow the whistle or the boiler is going to burst. I in my nice clean suit looked out from the driver’s seat and saw my rear tire, or as much of the tire as I could see and decided to just put my foot on the accelerator and push it to the floor. Now anyone with common sense would have saw the hopelessness of this idea, but when the boiler blows parts fly everywhere and self control is hard to hold onto. Even though what happened next is considerably funny to those who hear it, rest assured there was not even a hint of humor when it happened. A solid black stream of slimy stinky black waste shot up from the spinning tire and covered every exposed part of my body which was leaning out facing the tire. I was black from the top of my head to my waist, as well as the inside door and the closed window. The smell was no longer coming from the outside but emanated from the inside of my nostrils. What happened next has only happened to me once in my life and I don’t completely understand what happened but my emotions shut down. I was no longer angry, I had no emotion. I was possibly in shock or an emotional coma. I got out of the car and walked to the trailer home in which we lived and uttered the words I give up. I sat on the couch which we then had to throw away, and realized that this chapter in my life had just ended. I had no anger; I did not blame anyone but myself for making a decision solely based on the glittering promises of someone with no integrity. I thought all men operated at the same level of honesty as my dad. O how true, “all that glitters is not gold”. I had tried to make something fit that was not mine to wear. I realized that life is more than just following promises. Life was being led by truth, believing in truth and not walking solely by sight. We were stone broke; Lisa and I decided to move back to Milwaukee but had no idea on how to get there. To make matters worse guess who was pregnant, you got it, how in the world could that happen at this worst possible time. One thing I knew I would not miss was the trailer we had found to live in. At the time we had moved it was all that was available so we took it. I remember how the wind blew the curtains even when the windows were shut. Lisa’s dad and brother flew down and rented us a truck and helped us move. So back to Milwaukee we went, I had received a degree in theology but on the way home I brought my degree in humanity as well as a minor in humility. For the next 3 to 4 months we lived with Lisa’s parents as I struggled to find work. Eventually we both found good jobs and a little home in Greenfield, a suburb of Milwaukee to live. God was gracious and restored what we had lost but also much more. It was within about a year or two that we moved to Two Rivers WI and started a mission church. This move was the opposite of the first, for this time we did not look for glitter but for gold. How truly blessed we were all the years that we stayed in this city. When we left we left a beautiful church and took with us a lot of wonderful memories. Someone once said if God is not in it; don’t spend a minute in it. Don’t invest in glitter, invest in what is true and learn that patience is a virtue that leads to a contented life.

As I was reading my Bible this morning I came across a passage that made me stop for a moment.  It was one of those scriptures that jumps off the page and begs your attention.  Before I share this scripture I need to tell you a little bit of the story of what is taking place in David’s life at the time of its writing.   David’s popularity after the slaying of Goliath has grown enormously in Israel. His boldness to step out in faith with just a sling and a prayer moved those who had been cowering in fear for so long. This human behemoth blasphemed God everyday and called them cowards.  People love David’s humility and boldness in his relationship to God.  It has been like a refreshing breeze after the stagnation of a king who has turned his back on God and lost favor with many in his kingdom. 

David’s favor has displeased the king who feels threatened by David’s popularity. The Bible mentions that after Saul’s rejection of God’s commands that an evil spirit came and troubled him. At the time that this scripture is written Saul is obsessed with wanting to kill David.  This obsession will go on for quite some time until Saul himself falls in battle. 

David is talking with Saul’s son Johnathan, the two are knit together in a very close friendship.  To say that  they were best friends would be an understatement.  They were not brothers in blood but no doubt were bonded together with a love for each other so strong each would gladly lay down his life for the other. 

They are having a private conversation and as David speaks to Johnathan he says these words. 

1 Samuel 20:3 NLT

3 Then David took an oath before Jonathan and said, “Your father knows perfectly well about our friendship, so he has said to himself, ‘I won’t tell Jonathan—why should I hurt him?’ But I swear to you that I am only a step away from death! I swear it by the Lord and by your own soul!”

David knew full well that Saul would consolidate  every bit of power and whatever resources he had to kill him. Each day that he rose from sleep he would be only one step away from possible death. 

I think that one of the reasons that this has drawn my attention is that is how I feel.  After all the serious illnesses and diseases I have fought and continue to fight I realize that I am only one step away from eternity.  Now don’t misunderstand, I do not live each day in fear of dying.  Quite the opposite, it has taught me the value of every moment of my existence.  Every breath of air.  Every time I laugh, every time I see a sunrise and a sunset.  Every relationship I have becomes precious to me. Each time I hug my grandchildren I hug them as though it might be the last time.  

If you have never been on a ventilator or suffered from acute asthma you may not understand what I am about to say.  However when I walk in the morning I thank God for the ability to fill my lungs with clean air.  I thank Him for the absence of pain even if it is for only a short time. I have learned to chrish life and friends and family.  For I know that one day the angel of death will visit me and take me to a place where I already call home.  Paul said, “to live is Christ, to die is gain”.  What Paul is saying is this,  I will appreciate what I have whether here on earth or with God in heaven.  The second of course which is heaven,  is not able to be compared with our temporal life here on earth.  So my dear friend, whether you are eighty years old or fifteen learn to appreciate each day you live.  For we are not promised another day but we may live many  days.  Don’t let the apprehension of what you may lose keep you from enjoying what you do have.  Laugh a little.  Live alot and always be looking up to remember the Lord loves you so much he cannot wait to get you home. 

My mind goes back to a class I was taking in college.  For the life of me I cannot even remember what the class was called but I do very vividly remember the topic of discussion that day.   We were talking about the awesomeness of God.  We were discussing questions that had no solid concrete answers.  To put it mildly we were like a plane circling an airport but never coming in for a landing.  It was one of those classes where everyone was attentive and focused on the topic of discussion. We were all wishing the clock would stop and this moment would go on and on.  We talked about the whys and wherefores of why things happen in our life.  I have always been open to try to understand why God allows things to happen the way they do or for that matter why they don’t happen.  Our instructor was Sis. Norris.  She was well up in her 80”s and as sharp as a tack.  She never mixed words and called a spade a spade regardless of her audience.  She was highly respected for her knowledge.  

I remember that morning as she leaned over the podium.  This wonderful loving lady stopped and looked us all in the eye and said these words.  “I have lived a full life, I have lived through many experiences some of which you may never understand.  I have come to a conclusion when it comes to gathering knowledge about God.”  We all leaned forward and picked up our pens and grabbed our notebooks.  It was like God was going to give us some divine piece of knowledge that would help us through the struggles of life.  She took a breath and paused and then said these words, “ it seems the more I know and the more I learn about God, it’s then I begin to realize how much more I do not know.  However let me tell you what I do know. God is faithful, God is love and the depths of his being and existence go far beyond man’s ability to understand Him. So let me put it bluntly, the more I learn about Him  the more I realize I do not know.”

The Lord seems to second this notion when we read from scripture these words. 

But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him. 1 Corinthians 2:9 KJV

It seems just when you think that you have solved the riddle of who God is and His divine majesty, He reveals Himself in a larger and more deeper way which changes all previous conceptions of His majesty and power.  I guess in this world it is not important that we know all the answers.  How can we understand His ways when it is impossible to comprehend all of His deity and majesty.  Yes I can learn about Him through creation. I can understand a little of His power in a terrible storm but really my friend these tidbits of understanding are just the tip of an enormous iceberg that will not be seen until the day we meet Him and stand in His presence.  So you can drive yourself crazy trying to understand why He does what he does or you can trust in His wisdom and love for you. 

Paul says it best when he writes these words.  

 For now we see through a glass darkly; but then face to face: now I know

in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. … 1 Corinthian 13:12 King James Version

I have to confess I have a quirk when it comes to collecting things.  Every person has something that he or she holds dear.  Some object that bears significant meaning to them.  It may be photographs, or trinkets gathered during moments of meaning in their lives.  

I love to collect Bibles, not just any Bible but those that belonged to people I respect and love.  When asked after a relatives death if there’s anything that I would like to take to remember them by the answer is always immediate.  If they have a Bible I ask for that. 

You see, Bibles are oftentimes very sacred to people.  They write notes on its  pages of things that struck their fancy.  They will leave written notes to themselves that have great meaning.  

I was going through my great grandmother’s Bible and came across a wrinkled piece of  unlined paper with a poem that she had written to herself.  I imagined what she must have been going through in her life when she wrote it and for a little while we were able to share a personal moment together. 

The note read this way. 

 “I walked a road of sorrow, a road so dark with care, and I was so, so certain that no one else was there.  However when I looked around about me on this road on which I trod, I saw two sets of footprints, my own and those of God.

I know this poem sounds very much like a poem called “Footprints”,  whose author we do not know.  It makes me wonder if she played a part in the origin of it when she wrote it back in the 1800’s.  I wonder what things she was going through when she wrote these words down, what kind of sorrow was she carrying.  Did she feel alone on her journey.  One thing I know for sure is that she gained reassurance in the fact that no matter where life’s journey took her she was never alone.

Everyone of us has a secret place in our life where we retreat.  A place where we share our secret thoughts and feelings. No doubt your Bible has a few tear drops on its pages as you sought comfort in it as well.  Even though I never was able to meet my great grandmother I can share in the knowledge that we were not all that different.  Sometimes the road we travel is straight and the way unblocked.  At other times it seems there are road blocks at every turn and the wind of adversity and suffering roars against us so much so that we find it hard to stand and face another day.  However rest assured in this life you never travel alone, even when it seems everything is against you must remember God is still for you.