Every now and then we have special moments in our secret places in prayer. I would like to share one of mine with you. I can’t help but feel their will be some who will relate very much to the words I prayed that day, several years ago.
As I look over the lake this morning and contemplate the words I might express to you Lord, I realize that if I look at the short term I may feel nothing has really changed in our relationship in quite some time. I have grown older, hopefully a little wiser. Of course in my body I feel the changes of age, but the thing I most desire to see is the change in my relationship to you. Am I closer to you or have I drifted away carried by the waves of activity and the winds of necessity. It seems that it was not so long ago that you allowed an angel to appear to me and gave me a vision that shot my emotions upward, my focus changed and I saw the spiritual realm in a way that I had never seen before. I seemed so close to you, I still feel the lasting effects of this period of time. Lord I do know that I should not be governed by what I see and how I feel. Lord my soul like the brown grass in summer reaches out to you with its fingers spread and its palms facing upward longing for that special touch of latter rain showering down upon it.
How many times in mans history have you heard these words from others like myself who feel they have strayed from that special place close to you. Do I face tomorrow by reliving the memories of yesterday? Do I function based on duty and obligation? I realize that there is more to life that what I can see. I know Lord that this cannot be all there is, there is more and more truth to be acquired and around me there still is the Lords encampment of protection and compassion.
Lord you have so totally blessed me, and when I stop to look around at the things you have placed inside me and the presence that flows through me to others, I do stand amazed. I feel the closest to you when I feel your love flowing through me to others. I stand amazed as I watch its affect on those who feel it and experience its power. But yet Lord why do I feel the emptiness inside my own heart? Why do I struggle to pray and spend time with you? Lord you are the most important thing in my life. I do not want to face one day without you dwelling inside of me. I worship you with all my heart; I praise you with all that I am. I long to dwell with you and to sit in your presence in your Holy Place.
Yesterday at the Lake as I watched my granddaughter Isa chase that floating tube that had broken away from its mooring, I realized that it was always floating just beyond her reach. She was struggling to claim it but was never quite able to reach it. I feel sometimes just like that as I pray, your blessings our available but just beyond my reach as the waves of commitment and the winds of worldly attractions push what I desire just beyond my scope of physical ability. My son was quick to see what was happening and jumped on his jet sky to overtake the tube and bring it on board, and then to pick up Isa and bring her back to the pier. I guess that is what happens in the lives of your children, we break loose of our mooring and drift away, your word reaches out to us to pull us in but we pay no heed. Then you break through the waves and winds of temptation as we cry out to you and pull us on board and bring us back to safety.
This seems to be the spiritual routine of my life. I remember Paul writing something like this,”who shall deliver me from the bondage of this death”. Actually Lord I do find some comfort in his words, for it helps me to realize I am not alone in my dilemma. My life is not unique in itself. The feelings that I experience from exhilaration to disappointment have been felt by many of those who have walked this path before me. Maybe that is why Paul wrote “Beloved think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened on to you: but rejoice, in as much as ye are partakers of Christ’s suffering: that when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy. If ye be reproached for the name of Christ, happy are ye: for the spirit of glory and of God resteth upon you: on their part he is evil spoken of, but on your part he is glorified.”
I must realize that God never promised a world full of rainbows and days without darkness. He did promise that he would help us through, even if we walked the path of Gods will without the support of those so very close to us.
Let the faith that is within me shine more through my actions, even in the deserts and valleys of trial. Let Gods praise be heard from the den of lions. Let it ring from the mountain tops of blessing. Let it come forth through the mundane days of my life. GOD IS GREAT, AND HE IS GREATLY TO BE PRAISED.
Let the legacy of my life speak even after I am gone. Not that I was a good man, but that I was a godly man, who learned to live a consistent life based not on the climate of circumstances, or popularity but on the promises of God. That I was able through the gifts given to me by God to touch those whom he loved with the love spread abroad by His Holy Spirit. To bring Joy, Peace, and the grace to endure longsuffering even when it was not convenient.
Lord hold me in your strong arms of compassion, forgive me for things left undone and for thoughts and actions outside the scope of your expectations for my life. Cover me under that precious cleansing blood that has washed away my sins. Let me once again pick up the shield of faith and the sword of your spirit that I might stand strong against the power of the enemy of my soul. Let that helmet of salvation protect my thoughts from evil influences. Let my feet be shod with the Gospel of peace, let me bring peace to those whose lives have been devastated and destroyed by the spoiler of humanity. Let me lift high the cross of Christ for all to see, and declare the Name that is able to deliver from lives devastating plagues of carnality. Let courage replace my timidity, and your grace drive away the uncertainty in our relationship. Let oceans of renewal sweep through me to a thirsty world and let me learn to be content with what I have in a physical sense. Yet grant that I never stop reaching for the rock that is higher than I. Until I reach the City of God and the place reserved for me at your table, I will continue to walk and live for you!