It was several years ago that I met with an elderly couple in our inpatient hospice. They had been married nearly 64 years. They had been the best of friends and were so connected that each other knew what the other would say before they even finished a sentence. They were not only deeply in love but very much connected. She was the ultimate housewife and he was the faithful provider and maintenance man who did all the household repairs. This man’s dear wife had been suffering a losing battle with cancer and had reached the point of hospice. They were both in their upper 80’s and had lived a full and happy life together. They had no regrets and had reconciled themselves to what was about to happen. The husband stayed faithfully by his wife’s side until the end of her life on earth.
When the tears had subsided we sat down together in a private place and this man looked me in the eye and said, “ I do not know how I can live without her.” I understood him to mean that he would miss her presence and companionship, which was very evident. However he stopped me.
“You do not understand. I do not know how I can fill the void she has left. She cooked all our meals, she handled all the bills, she washed and cleaned and raised the kids. Chaplain I do not even know how to turn on the washing machine, or the dishwasher. I have no idea on the bills or where the mortgage is located.”
This man was learning that the void in death was much larger than the personal relationship he had with his wife but extended to every aspect of daily living. How many of us do not know what others contribute to our daily lives until they are gone. Grief encompasses many different areas.
Have you taken time to look at the ones you love and realize how much they contribute to each day you live?